Recently I came across the video below and I found a great deal of truth spoken by J.K. Rowling. This is the first time I’ve ever seen her speak and I have to say, her elegance and wit is simply wonderful. I never imagined this successful author speaking of herself as a failure, but in this light it sure does put my goal to be authentic in my life into perspective.
Her words, “What I feared most of myself at your age, was not poverty, but failure” is powerful, truthful, and speaks directly to me. I can relate to her description of being in at University, where I too, had a knack at passing exams and finding great success. I have had very successful careers and yet I’ve been calculating in choosing ones in which I knew I would find success. Yes, at the time, my fear of failure made sure I only would carefully choose to my undertakings so that I was set up for success. Yet… I wasn’t happy. Success (in any of its forms) doesn’t make you happy unless you have created it from deep within. I wasn’t happy because I wasn’t being true to myself. When I was younger, being successful in other people’s eyes was more important to me than listening to that small inner voice saying this wasn’t my path.
Instead of choosing to honor that small voice, I let the voice of Success overpower me and the fears of Failure keep me quiet.
Now this has changed.
I am embracing my voice, my fears, my limiting beliefs about success and choosing to move through my negative core beliefs about my failures and use them as stepping-stones. As much as might not want to admit (well..at least in the past) I have experienced failure and I have only grown stronger. I recognize I need to define my own failures and success and use these as the beacons in my life. In our world where financial success is the measuring stick for most people, I am choosing joy and authenticity to be my measurement. I do not kid myself that this is an easy journey but it is as real and important as any I’ve taken in my life.
I am giving up and letting go of my fear of failure. I am redefining success to be living my life as authentically as I can.
We have to determine how we define and how we will face our failures. Each and every one of us will face disappointment, failure, in-your-face-mistakes, and humiliation. It’s inevitable. What Rowling says in this video is she has looked at her failures to find the benefits, the silver lining, in them. Like Rowling, I have analyzed my successes and failures to determine how they both have served me (or not) and my failures have truly taught me a great deal about myself.
As Rowling states “Failure is not fun.” While in the midst of failing, spiraling down, or living at the bottom it is so hard to see beyond or above anything but the trenches. I have been there. I know it well and it was only when I accepted where I was at could I begin to see failure for what it is.
Failure can be a gift. Yes, I know that is hard to see when you are experiencing it. When I was experiencing my darker days, I found it most challenging to even see beyond until tomorrow, never mind trying to see what gift or greater purpose my failure would lead me to. It was so much easier to wallow in my misery, my sadness, and my self-flagellation than face I had the power to do anything about it. I allowed myself to live in the thoughts that this failure was “done” to me and not of my making. I focused on what I had lost, what I had given up, and how I had failed myself. I’m not sure how it happened, but one day I made a choice.
I took responsibility for myself and decided to fall into my failure and move through it.
I don’t know what prompted me to do this. Maybe I was tired of feeling sorry for myself or maybe I just was ready to find joy again. Maybe I looked deep within and let that voice become louder than the voices around me. Whatever it was, I decided to re-frame my thoughts of success. Yes, I had failures…..made mistakes…had regrets…wish I could have some do-overs… and I always will carry these thoughts with me. Except now, I choose to let my failure not define me but project me to where I want to go.
Failure has made me realize who I am. It has made me determined to succeed in being myself.
What have I learned from my failures?
- I am a stronger woman than I ever knew possible.
- I need to be true to myself and speak in my authentic voice.
- My wisdom comes from within me and I look to the outer world not to confirm who I am but to let me embrace it with my true self.
- I must sit with my fears of failure until I can push through them
- I need to let go of the Shoulds, Musts, Have-To’s of my life and concentrate on the I-want-tos and I-need-tos that are my deeply rooted dreams, values, and beliefs
- I define my own success when I am feeling joy, balance, and self-fulfillment.
Rowling states “We don’t need magic to transform our world. We carry the power we need inside ourselves already.” I have this power to transform when I redefine success and failure for myself. Do you?
To see the speech in its entirety, you must go here. It is worth the twenty minutes of your time!
http://player.vimeo.com/video/1711302
